"...but the reality was: why the hell wouldn't I be moody? I was a dumping ground for the toxic waste of three full-blown narcs. Was I supposed to be singing and dancing and whistling and smiling and doing back-flips of joy through the living room when I had no choice but to accept abuse and repress my every last feeling?! Put it this way: if I wasn't quiet, withdrawn and apprehensive then there would be something seriously wrong ith me. I would be a dumbed-down, lifeless, hollowed-out zombie and that would mean there's nothing left of me, I no longer feel anything and the narcs had won. And get this, because I didn't become what the narcs wanted me to be: A compliant zombie; MN mother and MN sister are still playing the moody card..."
http://house-of-mirrors.blogspot.com/2013/03/how-to-cause-narcissistic-injury.html
"I stood by him when he faked a heart attack."
http://www.breakups.org/leaving-my-narcissistic-husband.html#.VOtnE5V0yvE
"She faked a heart attack...on our vacation...another fake heart attack on my wedding day..."
http://www.agingcare.com/Questions/borderline-personality-Narcissistic-mother-142833.htm?cpage=6
"Many people will be upset by the idea that they were subjected to mind control. It conjures up ideas about brainwashing, cults and prisoners-of-war. And folks don't think it will ever happen to them, they would be able to spot it a mile away! But this is very important. The techniques of manipulation and control used by narcissistic parents are the very same techniques used by narcissistic and psychopathic cult leaders." http://www.decision-making-confidence.com/narcissistic-parents.html
> The group displays...unquestioning commitment to its leader...as regards his belief system, ideology, and practices as the Truth, as law.
> Questioning, doubt, and dissent are discouraged or even punished
> Mind-altering practices
> "Preaching" sessions lasting for hours until I cracked and started crying
> The leadership dictates, sometimes in great detail, how members should think, act, and feel
> Never allowed to experience anything organically and decide how to feel & act authentically; always "prepared" beforehand in great detail
> Leaders prescribe what types of clothes to wear, where to live, etc.
> The group is elitist, claiming a special, exalted status for itself, its leader(s) and members
> We didn't deserve cancer. We were better than this. We didn't smoke, drink, etc. How could this happen to US!?!
> The group has a polarized us-versus-them mentality, which may cause conflict with the wider society.
> "There is no 'normal' here." - Todd Chrisley of Chrisley Knows Best
> The leader is not accountable to any authorities.
> The group teaches or implies that its supposedly exalted ends justify whatever means it deems necessary. This may result in members' participating in behaviors or activities they would have considered reprehensible or unethical before joining the group (for example, lying to family or friends).
> The leadership induces feelings of shame and/or guilt iin order to influence and/or control members. Often, this is done through peer pressure and subtle forms of persuasion.
> Subservience to the leader or group requires members to cut ties with...friends, and radically alter the personal goals and activities they had before joining the group.
> The group is preoccupied with making money.
> Members are expected to devote inordinate amounts of time to the group and group-related activities.
> Members are encouraged or required to live and/or socialize only with other group members.
http://www.csj.org/infoserv_cult101/checklis.htm
"It has been touched upon already, but it needs to be clarified in that it has been observed that a particular indoctrination syndrome takes place in cult members. The characteristics for this are a change of personality, emotional desensitizing, and physical changes in posture and appearance which have already been identified in a mask-like happy facial expression, along with an absent, evasive, or staring look. Some people can become so adept at presenting an unaffected face and depressive thoughts that it is hard to accurately assess them in a medical appointment (Swartling and Swartling, 1992)."
https://freedomofmind.com//Info/articles/indeppendentResearch.php
"The most common symptoms ex-cultists experience are emotional volatility, dissociative symptoms such as floating...depression, loneliness, guilt, inability to concentrate, indecisiveness, difficulty communicating, fear of retribution, fatigue, a sense of spiritual religious philosophical void, career confusion, and conflicts with family (Martin et al., p. 220). "
https://freedomofmind.com//Info/articles/indeppendentResearch.php
Stockholm Syndrome:
1. That there is a perceived threat to the captive’s existence, and they fervently believe that the captor will carry out that threat.
2. That the captor experiences small kindnesses from their captor within a context of terror.
3. That the captor is isolated from any other perspectives other than those of their captor.
> 1996 - 1998: Complete isolation
4. That the captive perceives they have an inability to escape.
> "The fences aren't out there. They're in your mind." - Chicken Run
http://narcissisticbehavior.net/the-place-of-stockholm-syndrome-in-narcissistic-victim-syndrome/
People are not viewed as having a separate existence or as having needs of their own.
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq66.html
"My mother is ridiculously overprotective...she treats me like a 14-year-old. She drives me crazy telling me how to dress...I cannot go any place without my mother knowing where I am, when I'm going to be there. When I'm leaving there, when I'll be home. She calls me every day to make sure I get home from work...
Diane doesn't think her behavior is out of the ordinary. "I don't think I'm overprotective. I worry about things any ordinary mother would worry about," she says. "I'm critical of Dana only when I feel I really need to be...
"Do you think it's over the top?" he asks Dana.
"Yes, I do. I get frustrated. I just try to go 'OK, OK,' and get off the phone. You either have to agree with her or get into a big argument. I think it's her insecurity and her fear." She sees similarities between herself and Ashlee. "I think [my mom] has the same kind of fear that Teresa has. If she's not watching me or telling me things, then something is going to happen to me ... My life was just like Ashlee's when I was 14, and it's that way when I'm 43. I have to call when I get there. I have to call when I leave. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere or to my friend's house...
"Didn't you have a tremendous trauma when she was 5-years-old?" Dr. Phil asks Diane. "Wasn't there a tremendous threat and worry in your life? What happened?"...
Dr. Phil sympathizes, saying, "It was a terrible ordeal for you, scared the bejeebers out of you. And that changed you. It made you see a dark side of the world, and you became very, very protective."...
To Diane, he says, "Everybody brings baggage into a relationship. I think you have anxieties and stresses that have nothing to do with Dana, but you express them because she's your significant other in your life right now. She's handy. She's a good place to express those. I think your attempts to control her really don't have anything to do with whether she's a good mother and a full free-thinking adult; it has to do with your need to hang on, because when you don't, things seem to get away from you."...
http://drphil.com/shows/show/595
"If you check my posts, you'll see that my [narcissistic] Mom has ...called the cops before, about 2 weeks or so ago, for them to do a "general welfare" check. "
http://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/2rey3o/frustrated_nmom_used_her_powers_of_narcissism_for/
"... if he wasn't your father, wouldn't it be weird having a stranger lick your ear? Just think about it that way. That's really weird, ew. That's gross, I don't believe there's any culture that people lick their um, children's ear to show affection? "
https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101204201615AAVcdkz
"...slapped my thighs, watching them jiggle."
Found in a Tumblr blog
"He even...“slapped” ...my thighs – both of them, usually until I could no longer bear the pain – until I specifically told him, “Stop, daddy, that hurts.”
http://kersplebedeb.com/posts/anja-rohl...
The victim is often rendered dependent and docile with tenderness and love. The more gently it’s carried out ...the stronger the victim’s tendency to succumb to maintaining lifelong silence and denial and to identifying with, if not idealizing, the offender...
http://kersplebedeb.com/posts/anja-rohl...
"'Sadists' hit children on soles of feet."
headline from past court case
The forms of physical abuse reported by witnesses ranged from being...slapped...pinched...being beaten on the soles of their feet... having their hair pulled..."
http://globalcomment.com/tarcisio-bertone-on-gays-grasping-at-straws/#
"So subtle and poisonous is the narcissistic variant of sadism that it might well be regarded as the most dangerous of all."
http://samvak.tripod.com/narcissistsadist.html
"What might look to most people a perfectly innocuous picture...a paddling pool or...beginners' ballet class..."
Memory, Imagination, Justice: Intersections of Law and Literature by Mr David Gurnham
" He has now alienated me, telling me I can’t talk to my friends and the guy I’m dating can’t even come to pick me up. He also will not let me drive, so I am completely isolated in the house."
http://thenarcissisticlife.com/my-father-the-narcissist-a-narcissistic-father-is-a-tyrant-and-a-bully/
The family develops a series of messages or rules for members to follow to protect the family. Many of these overlap with messages found in the alcoholic family. The most predominant of these messages are:
- Don't feel. Keep your feelings in check. Do not show your feelings, especially anger.
- Be in control at all times. Do not show weakness. Do not ask for help.
- Deny what is really happening. Disbelieve your own senses/perceptions. Lie to yourself and to others.
- Don't trust yourself or anyone else. No one is trustworthy.
- Be ashamed of yourself. You are to blame for everything.
Characteristics [of the father] which appear repeatedly...include...desertion anxiety, low self-esteem, insensitivity to the needs of others...a history of having witnessed abuse or having been physically...abused as well as emotionally deprived and rejected in their families...fathers who are dominant, tyrannical, and controlling.
...they may be known for explosive tempers and aggressive behavior...came from a nonnurturing family and so was emotionally deprived as a child...
...this man is unable to reach out to others and to be genuinely close. He may appear strong, competent, and capable of intimacy, but beneath this facade he is starved for affection...From the outside, this father appears to be the "good husband and father." He typically spends his nonworking hours with his family...and has few, if any, outside social or professional contacts or sources of support. He may feel highly stressed by his work and family responsibilities and cope by withdrawing and expecting solace and safety from his family. In part, his withdrawal, isolation, mistrust of anyone outside of the family, and inability to ask for or seek help are explained by depression. However, his coping strategies only exacerbate his dysphoria. Although his wife may initially provide for him and serve as his link to the world, over time she may tire, withdraw, and seek outside activities....leaves the father without his main method of achieving closeness. In this context, he turns to his daughter, whom he may view as "belonging" to him...
The symbiotic rationalizer finds ways to justify his...behavior...sex education preparing her for the future; as protection from other men who are characterized as corrupt and lascivious; as protection of the purity...he views his child as his exclusive property...
The symbiotic tyrant dominates his family, issuing orders and demanding total loyalty and obedience. He tolerates no opposition and uses force, including physical abuse if necessary, to get his way. Family members fear him and avoid upsetting him. This father may also play the part of the proud patriarch who views his family as his property subject to his wishes. He goes to great lengths to give the impression that everything is under control at home...
Approximately 20% of symbiotic fathers are tyrants....he is authoritarian and exacting...His daughter's adolescence usually is a time of crisis for the tyrant. He can be quite jealous, paranoid, judgmental...when his daughter begins to date. Her dating and other attempts at independence feel like a betrayal and reinforce his feeling that no one can be trusted.
Over time...a common pattern is for the wife to tire of providing care and to rely on her oldest daughter to take her place. The daughter comes to believe that if she provides sufficient care and comfort her father's [problems/depression] will stop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
..the father often becomes...insanely jealous of her boyfriends. He may...verbally abuse her...
This obsession dramatically distorts the normal developmental stages of childhood and adolescence. Instead of being able to become progressively more independent from parental control, the...victim is increasingly bonded to the aggressor.
It is common for...victims to mistake obsession for love. Not only does this drastically alter their ability to understand that they are being victimized, but it can wreak havoc with their expectations of love later in life.
Most parents experience some anxiety when their children begin dating and start bonding to people outside the family. But the...father experiences this normal stage of development as betrayal, rejection, disloyalty, and even abandonment. Tracy's father's reaction was typical—rage, accusations, and punishment:
'...If he so much as caught me kissing a boy goodnight, he'd come out of the house screaming "tramp," and scare the guy off. '
When Tracy's father called her vile and insulting names, he was doing what many...fathers do: removing the badness, the evil, and the blame from himself and projecting it onto her. But other aggressors bond their victims with tenderness...
http://www.survivorshandbook.com
"...some fathers constantly talked about sex with their daughters..." - Summer 1998
ISBN 0-674-29506-4 by Judith Herman Lewis Chapter 7
"In the person of the [only] daughter, the fathers found a wholly dependent being who would serve and flatter them and whom they could control....the daughter...paid for their special status in the family by suffering the jealousy...of their mothers..."
ISBN 0-674-29506-4 by Judith Herman Lewis Chapter 7
"This issue of control also raised conflicts for the daughters, for the special relationship with their fathers often interfered with their striving for independence and autonomy...they felt some resentment at their fathers' efforts to monopolize their time and control their activities.
Beth: He'd seclude himself with me...I had to come straight home...
Often the fathers' interest in their daughters extended to minute supervision of their clothing and appearance. The daughters felt that their bodies were not their own...
Carla: I always felt nervous being alone with him...
The...father often reacted intensely to their daughters' increasing sexual maturity. Many became extremely jealous and attempted to restrict or monitor ever aspect of their daughters' social lives...
The rationale for this monitoring was a puritanical abhorrence of sex. The fathers conveyed to their daughters the sense that sex was evil and shameful... [My note: All the while, verbally insisting on the opposite. Vibes trump empty words every time.]...
They reacted to their daughters' emerging sexuality...with an attempt to establish total control...
...if you try to grow up, there will be hell to pay...[the daughter] could attempt to become independent women...and in the process risk their fathers' anger or rejection...
They reached adult life schooled in the complicated art of pleasing a man and knowing virtually nothing about how to please themselves...the majority of women remained single into their twenties...
The 'good' girl was subdued, compliant and eager to please; she liked to stay home and cook for her husband...
Another ...fantasized that her father knew what she was doing and would appear at any moment to drag her back home. Many women felt as if they had never established any privacy or boundaries where their fathers were concerned; the sense of being watched over, invaded or surrounded was constantly with the. Those women who did achieve a sense of autonomy felt that they had to be constantly on guard against their fathers' efforts to draw them back into an infantilizing relationship..."
ISBN 0-674-29506-4 by Judith Herman Lewis Chapter 7
"...I believe narcissism is demonic and evil and so that means that the narcissistic spouse IS NOT A BELIEVER. You cannot follow God and be subject to the Holy Spirit and REMAIN A NARCISSIST. It is behaviour that flies in the face of EVERY scripture about how a Christian is to behave. If someone is regularly behaving like a narcissist, they are unsaved..."
https://postcardstoanarcissist.wordpress.com/what-does-the-bible-say-about-narcissism/
“According to Schaefer’s teachings, women were temptresses whose sexuality, if uncontrolled, would drive men wild with desire and lead them to stray from God...To protect men from corruption, he created in the Colonia an environment of minimal temptation. Women...wore ugly homemade dresses, so baggy that almost no trace of the female form remained visible...the endless days spent toiling in the workshops...further depressed their frustrated libido.”
https://theamericanscholar.org/the-torture-colony/#.VfNdAcoy08o